


Day by Day (and Night)

by Batteryafter



Series: Oh, This Time of Day [3]
Category: Day6 (Band), Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fighting, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Mention of Death, Mention of past characters - Freeform, Minor Original Character(s), a fucking sequel yall, chan and seungmin have minor roles, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2020-08-19 14:04:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20210989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batteryafter/pseuds/Batteryafter
Summary: This chapter maybe difficult to read due to recent circumstances so if you are still raw from that or easily triggered by mental illness, I would strongly suggest waiting to read this chapter. It isn't too harsh but it's depressing. What else would be expected of me honestly..I love you guys





	1. Why Am I Alone?

Yells fill the air as emergency medical crew attempt to resuscitate the four boys that they pulled from the river. Their faces are pale and their lips are blue. Water pours from each of their noses as the crew press on their chests. Time seems to slow down as an hour passes.

“This one’s gone.” A voice yells across the bay.

“Fuck. Mine’s down.”

“Damn it.” Another man refuses to give up as he continues his compressions. “Come on.” He checks for a pulse one last time. “I have a faint pulse!”

“Got a breather!”

\------

“Good morning. I’m going to ask you a few questions and I want you to answer them as honestly as you can. Okay? First, can you tell me your name?” A woman stands at the foot of a hospital bed. She holds a clipboard to record any answers given.

“Kang Younghyun.” The boy answers, staring at the wall behind the woman. “That’s all. I have no other names.” He groans as he attempts to sit up, feeling his cracked ribs and healing hip.

“Alright. Do you know why you’re here?”

He glances over to her and rolls his eyes. “I survived jumping off a bridge.”

“Do you remember the names of the other three that jumped with you?”

“Yoon Dowoon, Park Sungjin, and Park Jaehyung.” His voice wavers, forcing him to clear his throat.

The woman nods and writes something down before flipping through the papers. “Are you aware that there was one other survivor?”

Younghyun’s head pops up and he feels his heart flip in his chest. “Who?”

“Unfortunately, they haven’t woken up yet for us to know. If you’re able to, we would like if you could help us figure that out.”

Younghyun agrees and the woman goes to get a nurse to assist him into a wheelchair. He holds his breath as they wait, feeling dizzy when he slowly moves to his feet. His body shakes weakly while he is helped into the seat. The silently wheel him down the hall, a few rooms over in the same ICU. Younghyun can’t help but burst into tears as they open the door and bring him into the room. His hand trembles as he places it lightly on the bed.

“Jae-” He stops as he feels himself choke up.

He buries his face in the bedding and begins to sob, forgetting about the woman and the nurse standing behind him.

“Sir?” The woman tilts her head to try to see his face better. “Younghyun?”

He pushes himself up and sniffles hard, wiping the tears from his face. “I’m sorry. His name is Park Jaehyung.” His head falls again. “I-I need a minute.”

“Of course.”

The two step out and close the door lightly behind them. Younghyun stares at Jae’s motionless body. He slowly stands so he hovers over his friend. Jae's chest rises and falls slowly as he peacefully rests in his coma. A few minutes later, a different nurse comes in, wheeling in a blood pressure machine.

"Sorry to bother you, I just need to take your vitals." She steps towards Younghyun.

"Oh-okay." He holds his arm out and she wraps the cuff around it. "Are you Jae's nurse, too?"

"I am." She pulls a thermometer out and puts a protective cover over it. "Place this under your tongue."

Younghyun follows directions but keep looking at Jae."How is he doing?"

"I'm usually the overnight nurse so I don't see much but all his stats are great when I check them. He has a nurse that stays with him all day though, her name is Amy if you ever want to know anything."

Younghyun thanks her and she leaves after she writes Jae’s stats down. He looks around the room and sees a whiteboard on the wall with the date on it. December 19th.

“Huh, happy 26th.”

\----

Jae struggles as he stands to his feet, feeling his body shake with pain. His nurse helps him walk across the room. He takes a few steps before beginning to lose strength. His legs tremble before he starts to fall. The nurse grabs him and brings him back up before a second nurse offers to get his wheelchair. He turns her down and attempts another step. The pain makes him dizzy.

“Damn it.” He whispers. “I can’t do this, Amy.”

“We can try again later, okay?” The first nurse smiles, helping him sit back down. “I think they’re bringing lunch soon. Do you want to eat in your room or in the cafeteria?”

“I think I wanna try the cafeteria today.”

The nurse nods and begins to wheel him towards the elevator. Jae stares into space as they make their way to the cafeteria. He comes back to reality as the nurse pulls him to a table. She walks away to get a worker to bring his tray up from the kitchen before getting her own snack to eat alongside him. Jae looks around at the room, that nearly looks the same as the last time he was here, as he picks at his food.

“I sat at this table once with my boyfriend.” He smiles and looks at his hand.

“Oh yeah? Does he live here or in California or in Korea?”

“He’s dead.” He stares back up, seeing the nurse’s face drop. “Before you apologize, it’s okay. We weren’t exactly the perfect couple.”

“I’m so sorry, Jaehyung.”

He puts his fork down and sighs. “It’s weird to think about. I spent over a decade living with my best friends and now-there’s only two of us alive. It was hard enough losing Junhyeok.”

“Who was that?”

“He was a close friend that was in the band. He died of cancer shortly after our debut.” Jae stops, remembering how he used to hold his friend as he cried in pain. “He and Younghyun were together and we never really had much time before he was gone.”

“You’re strong.” She smiles softly. “I’m really proud of you, Jaehyung.”

Jae laughs quietly, unsure how he even had the strength to wake up this morning. He picks his fork back up and take a small bite of his salad. “Yet I still can’t stand for more than 20 seconds.”

Amy sits forward and rests her elbows on the table. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You regained complete control of your left arm and before you couldn’t even sit up from your bed. Progress takes time.”

\----

Younghyun limps across his hotel parking lot, to the taxi he called. He gets in, barely speaking as the man drives him to his destination. The ride is familiar but he can’t help but notice the changes of it now being winter. When he got out of the hospital, he was able to contact his manager to get him a new hotel to stay in until Jae is able to leave with him. His manager shipped him a replacement debit card as well as enough money to get the two prepaid cell phones. There were some extras included in the care packages as well, like clothes and other essentials. Younghyun looks down as he gets a phone call.

“Hello?” He answers quietly to his manager. “I’m headed there now. He’s been behind on his pt so I’m hoping we can get him to reach one goal today.” The driver reaches the hospital and Younghyun thanks him before handing him a tip and hopping out. “Other than losing basically everything, I’m still fine. But I’m going in now. If Jae has time, I’ll tell him to call you. Okay, bye.”

He hangs up and makes his way into the building, up towards Jae’s room. Jae looks up as the door is opened and smiles. The two greet each other as Younghyun slowly walks to the chair.

“How was morning pt?” Younghyun asks.

Jae lowers his head and sighs. “I only took 3 steps.”

“Hey, that’s awesome! That’s more than you did yesterday.” He smiles. “I’m sure we can get you to 5 now.”

They continue to talk until Amy comes in to bring Jae to the day’s last physical therapy session. Younghyun helps him get into the wheelchair as best he can. The three stay fairly quiet as they go down to the PT unit.

Jae stares at the wall as Amy and Younghyun bring him to his feet. He holds onto the support bars to his sides, feeling his body shake tremendously. Younghyun encourages him, knowing exactly what it felt like to be in that position less than a month ago. Jae takes a few hard breaths before taking one step forward. Though painful, he easily takes his next step, followed by a third. His back spasms slightly but he pushes through it.

“You’re at 3, Jae. 2 more and you’ve reached your goal.” Younghyun feels his stomach twist seeing his friend struggling.

“You’re doing great, Jaehyung. I believe in you.” Amy cheers as well.

Jae lurches his body forward, slowly moving his foot in front of him. His heart pounds in his chest as he stares at the tiles beneath his feet. Just one more step. If you reach this goal you can be released soon. Jae thinks to himself, inching his feet forward. Younghyun walks over and grabs his hand. Jae squeezes it tightly as he closes his eyes. He assumes that he took the next step- hearing cheers from behind him.

Jae's legs feel numb as he lay in his bed. Younghyun watches him from a chair as Amy sets up a new IV. She smiles down to her patient and Jae's mouth twitches up. Jae watches her back as she finally leaves.

"You like her?" Younghyun whispers over, glaring to the older boy.

"She has to deal with shitty people all the time. I want to give her some relief." Jae suddenly feels hit with awkwardness.

"What about Sungjin?"

Jae lowers his head and lets a shaky, quiet sigh escape from his lips. "Sungjin's gone." He stares at his hands, trying not to let them shake. “Eventually, I need to move on-”

“You’re still in the hospital from this whole fucking thing. Yeah, move on eventually but this is fucking ridiculous, Jae.” Younghyun’s fists ball in annoyance but he attempts to calm himself, throwing his shoulders back down. “Look-”

“No.” He shakes his head, his brows rising as he tries not to get too worked up. “If I want to move on already then I will. I’m not going to take your advice when you fucked Wonpil two days after your boyfriend died.”

Younghyun digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out the tracphone for Jae, tossing it into his lap. “Good luck in life, Jae.” He stands and walks to the end of the bed. “All the contacts you need are already in there.” He pauses, getting his wallet out, throwing Jae’s debit card beside the phone. “If you need anything, I’ll be back home.”

\---------------------------

Younghyun stretches his legs across the bed as he wakes up. The sun peeks through the curtains perfectly enough to blind him once he opens his eyes. He groans, feeling his back crack as he sits up. The floor is cold on his feet and he whines out- shuffling over to his slippers.

He opens the fridge and pulls out his leftover sandwich from the night before. His coffee pot hisses as he presses the on button. His eyes sting from the tiredness that still lingers inside them. He turns around to the island in the middle of the kitchen, grabbing his pack of cigarettes and the lighter beside it. The burn in the back of his throat seems to wake him up slightly enough to function as he inhales the smoke.

The smell of coffee finally hits him, mixing with the nicotine- causing him to shiver. He rests the cigarette between his fingers as he digs in the fridge for his creamer. Ash falls to the floor and he sighs, swiping it away with his foot.

He finally sits on the couch to enjoy his “breakfast” before he has to start the day. The sandwich definitely tasted better last night when he was 3 soju bottles and 2 beers down but- hey it’s food. Not much he can complain about when it’s really all he has at the moment.

Once he’s finished his food, coffee, and smoked another cigarette-he actually gets up to get dressed. He doesn’t do too much of changing, just taking his pajamas off to put on a different, more fitting for strangers to see, pajamas. His phone dings and he blindly grabs for it while brushing his hair.

[New Contact Available]: hey.

Younghyun ignores the texts, thinking it’s either a wrong number or an old fan. He shoves the phone in his back pocket, grabbing his things and throwing them into a backpack. His keys spin around his finger and he walks out.

“Morning.” Younghyun greets everyone he passes as he enters his company’s building.

He walks into a large room, seeing a mix of artists and staff. They all talk together, most eating or setting up to film a video. Two of his seniors notice him and wave-him nodding back. He finds an empty table and sets his bag on top of it, flopping in the seat. As he pulls out his book, a bracelet slides out with it, falling to the floor. He stares at it, sighing as he grabs it and stuffs it back in his bag.

His body jumps when he looks up across the table. Chan stares at him, arms resting on the table.

“Fucking hell, dude.” Younghyun grabs his chest, feeling his heart pound. “Don’t do that!”

“Did you hear about someone re-entering into the company?” Chan leans in closer.

Younghyun raises a brow and shakes his head. “Hyuna?”

“Jae.”

Younghyun feels his stomach flip. It’s been a year since he’s seen Jae. He hasn’t even talked to him since that day at the hospital. He just assumed Jae moved back home and forgot about his life here. Why would he come back? Why would he chose to come back to this place? There are plenty of other companies he could have gone to. Why is he coming back?

“Hyung?” Chan tilts his head as Younghyun stares into space. “You good?”

“I’m fine. I need to go.” He stands and grabs his things, holding them close to his chest. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Oh- no problem!”

Younghyun doesn’t look back to Chan as he leaves the room. He walks as fast as he can until he reaches the recording studio. Once the door closes behind him, he collapses to his knees. He pulls his legs to his chest, burying his head in his lap. Jae is coming back. Younghyun did so fucking well forgetting all the memories about everyone. Why does he have to come back? Why does he have to ruin everything?

He jumps when the door opens, hitting his back. His manager looks down at him, curled in a ball with tears staining his cheek. They stare silently at each other before his manager offers him a hand to stand up. Younghyun thanks him, sniffling as he gets to his feet.

“Um, Chan wanted to know if you wanted to help with Seungmin’s birthday.” His manager tries not to make things too awkward.

Younghyun nods and looks around, spotting his bag lying across the room. “Yeah. I- uh- hold on. I know something that he’d want.”

He grabs the backpack and sets it on the chair, pulling it open. His hand reaches in blindly and he digs until his finger brushes against the item. He pulls out the faded black, leather bracelet.

“Here. He’d want this.” Younghyun forces a smile, almost not wanting to let the item go as his manager grabs for it. “It was Wonpil’s”

“Younghyun-”

“I’m sure.” The two go quiet again and Younghyun stares at the wall behind his manager. His head begins to ache. "Jae's coming back."

"Oh, you heard." His manager sighs. "He actually landed yesterday."

Younghyun holds his breath, feeling a wild mix of anger, sadness, and nausea. "Why-"

"Why'd you come back?" His manager tilts his head as Younghyun sighs.

"Where is he staying?" He begins to pace. "I live in the dorm."

"You mean the 3 bedroom flat that you live in completely alone? Anyway, I'm not sure where they placed him, if they have yet. Pretty sure he's still in a hotel. I'm waiting on the call about it."

Younghyun nods and sits down in the chair, throwing his backpack on the floor. He stares at the soundboard, playing with a slider while deep in thought. Should he try to see Jae? Would he even want to see him after everything? Maybe Jae is hoping he left the company? Does Jae know he's still here?

Fuck..

He decides to stop thinking about it, texting his producer that he's waiting in the studio for him. It's best to just focus on his album. His deadline in coming up and he doesn't want to be late again. Of course, when his producer shows up, his mind blanks again. He feels numb. Suddenly all his depression is back and he wasn't ready for it. He is thankful that his producer worked on his song the night before or else he'd be fucked.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, dude." He sighs in relief, listening to the mix.

"Starve." His producer smiles before handing him his revised lyrics. "Get in the booth and make your fans cry with that beautiful voice of yours.”

"Aye aye captain."

\-----------

The couch creaks as Younghyun flops down on it. He grabs his phone and sees a missed call from Seungmin. His heart aches slightly as he presses the call button on the young boy's contact. He sighs, listening to the dial tone-almost anxious by it.

"You didn't have to do that, hyung." Seungmin's voice is quiet as he speaks into the receiver.

"It's better if you have it." Younghyun's soft smile can be heard in his voice.

He hears the boy sniffle and whimper. "You're too kind. Thank you.”

“No problem. Happy birthday. I’ll be at the dinner tonight.”

Seungmin thanks him again and hangs up. Younghyun lets out a long sigh, staring at the black screen on the TV. He leans forward and grabs his cigarettes from the coffee table. The lighter sparks and burns his finger but he doesn’t react much. He inhales the smoke deeply and holds it in longer than normal. It stings his throat and lungs as he slowly releases. There is a knock on the front door, prompting him to quickly snub his cigarette. We waves the air, hoping the smell isn't obvious as jumps off the couch.

He runs to the door and opens it, peeking his head out, expecting to see Chan or Jeongyeon. Instead it’s someone much more familiar. Jae stares at him. Both of their faces are blank of emotion. Younghyun steps back, unsure why he is inviting Jae inside.

Jae’s body lurches forward as his feet force him to move. He stops as he walks in. Everything is almost exactly how they left it before the tour. Even the mattress from the old dorm lays in the corner of the living room. His nose scrunches as he notices an odd smell.

“Did you smoke in here?” He answers his own question, eyeing the pack of cigarettes on the table. It’s not that he’s surprised but slightly disappointed. “Of course.”

“Did you need something?” Younghyun’s words are harsh- sending on odd pain to Jae’s chest. “I have to get ready for Seungmin’s birthday dinner.”

“I just wanted to get my things.” Jae steps towards the hallway. Things are familiar to him but it feels odd, like he shouldn’t be here. “If it’s even still here.”

Younghyun shrugs. “I never touched anything.”

Jae walks to his old room, stopping before opening the door. His hands shake as waves of memories come back to him. A familiar smell hits him as he pushes the door open. A mix of flowers and Wonpil’s favorite cologne fills the air. Everything is exactly as the two had left it the day they left. Even the socks on the floor by his bed. And the stacks of books piled on Wonpil’s desk.

He stands in front of his own desk, tears attempting to escape his eyes. His knees give out, forcing him to sit in the chair behind him. Beside his notebooks is a picture of all of the boys celebrating their debut. Everyone looked so happy. So healthy- despite Jae knowing they were all exhausted that day. His thumb brushes over Junhyeok, the boy smiling as Younghyun held him in his arms. He wonders if Junhyeok was already starting to get sick by then.

“So you aren’t staying here, then?” Jae turns to see Younghyun standing in the doorway, arms crossed.

“Why? Did you want me to stay?” Though he glares at the younger boy, his voice almost sounds hopeful that Younghyun will say he does.

Younghyun scoffs. “I’m fine here alone.”

He kicks off from the door and walks down the hall, back towards the living room. Jae holds his breath, beginning to pack his things into the backpack he brought. He pauses, looking over to Wonpil’s desk. His favorite hoodie is folded on top of a book. He must have forgotten to pack it. Jae picks it up and pulls it to his face, breathing in deeply before stuffing it into the bag. He wonders if he should go into Sungjin’s room. He knows some of his things are in there but he isn’t sure he’s strong enough to go in there.

Younghyun flicks the lighter over and over, finally bringing the flame to the cigarette between his lips. He doesn’t care if Jae can’t stand the smoke. He needs the nicotine and this is his place.

Jae coughs as he walks out, waving the smoke away from his face. “My manager will get the rest of my things later.” His words are soft yet carry a harsh tone with them. He turns to look at Younghyun- wanting to speak, but can’t find the right words.

“Bye.”

Younghyun’s chest tightens hearing the door close. He’s so fucking happy Jae is gone. But why does he feel like he misses him already? The two rarely got along before- why would that change now? It’s not like Jae wants to get along either. No point in trying to fix a friendship they barely had in the first place.

And Jae looked so healthy...Like he had recovered fully. The two scars on his forearm were barely visible. He looked better than Younghyun- better than him drinking every day again. Like he doesn’t have to deal with PTSD or panic attacks. The fucker...why is he here...

\--------

Jae’s back hits the door of his new apartment as he walks in. His bags crash into the ground as he slides down with them. He trembles as tears stream down his face.

_Younghyun really hates me…_

He buries his face in his hands, rubbing at his eyes and sniffling hard. Why did he even come back? Jae didn’t know Younghyun still lived in Gangnam. He had hoped he’d moved back home with his family. Hoped that Younghyun didn’t have to deal with him being around again. But no-they are still in the same company, live one block away from each other. And are still both a mess.

_But Younghyun hates me…_

Jae looks around the apartment. It isn’t much- just a studio with a full kitchen. His bed sits in the far right corner, across it the bathroom equipped with a shower. There is a small seating area in the middle that Jae doubts he will ever use. The lights are still off. Jae didn’t even turn them on before he broke down. It’s not too dark due to the large window covering the back wall by the bed. But it’s fucking lonely. It’s too quiet. It doesn’t have his best friends.

_And now I have to see Younghyun at the dinner tonight…the boy that fucking hates me.._


	2. I got to say something, let's meet up

Younghyun looks down to the young boy wrapping his arms around his torso. He hugs him back, leading them towards the back of the restaurant. Seungmin takes his seat and everyone greets Younghyun. Everyone except one. The tall, skinny boy in the corner who is trying not to make eye contact. Younghyun's smile fades slightly but he clears his throat and looks for an open chair.

Chan sits forward and points to the end of the table. "There's a chair beside Jae."

“Oh, thanks.” He nods before letting out a hard sigh.

Jae doesn't look up from his phone as Younghyun sits down beside him. Younghyun notices him ignoring. He can't help but look over the boy's shoulder to see what he's doing. It's hard to see- it seems he's reading a document. Maybe it's just his contract stuff. Nothing too entertaining. Younghyun takes his own phone out and leaning his elbows on the table. Jae bites and looks over to see what the younger is doing.

He laughs under his breath as Younghyun flips through random apps to make it seem like he is doing something. Younghyun snaps his head up to stare at him.

"What are you doing?" Jae scoffs.

"Why?" Younghyun sneers back. "I'm playing on my phone."

"Are you entertained by your wallpaper?"

"Absolutely."

Jae shakes his head, laughing once more before going back to his phone. Younghyun notices him get a message and pretends not to look as he opens it up. He recognizes the number at the top of the screen and squints. It's his producer. _Oh great_.

He tries to brush off the awkward air with Jae and focus on the other boys. Seungmin smiles over and gestures for him to eat. He nods, reaching over the table and grabbing a bowl of soup.

"Hey, Brian, can you hand me the water pitcher?"

Younghyun goes still at those words. He slowly leans back in his chair and looks to his left. "What?"

"Sorry- I said it out of habit." Jae feels his chest tighten after realizing his mistake.

“It’s-fine. Don’t worry about it.” He clenches his jaw but his heart pounds slightly.

The two go quiet. They try their best to ignore each other. And they pretty much do until the end of dinner. But of course, something has to be fucked up...Younghyun thought he was going to be in the clear, getting away from Jae, when they all left.

But as soon as Younghyun started walking towards the bus stop, he noticed he had a shadow. He doesn't turn to look at his follower and honestly, he doesn't care to. His hand digs deep in his pocket, finding his cigarettes once he sees a dedicated smoking area.

It seems his shadow fell behind a bit. Or maybe his shadow went the other way.

There are plenty of loud noises coming from the bar at the end of the block keeping his thoughts at bay. If Younghyun didn't have to catch his bus soon, he'd for sure go in there and forget the night. But instead he listens to a fight that seems to have broken out at the other end of the block.

_Damn they sound heated. Wonder what it's about.._

He listens closer, stepping one foot out of the smoking area. His face grimaces slightly. Oh shit..I think someone's getting mugged.

Maybe it's the few drinks that he had at the dinner or some hero complex he has with himself, but he jumps into action. He runs down the street towards the yelling, dropping the cigarette on the pavement a few steps in.

He is surprised to see the victim's fist collide into the criminal's cheek. Before the man can attack, Younghyun wraps his arms around the man's body. He pulls them back as best he can, trying to get them to the ground. His leg sweeps under the man, bringing them both to the sidewalk. He winces as his knees collide with the concrete.

"Dude, stop! You're gonna get hurt!" He looks up to the poor boy with red cheeks and a bloody lip. "Go home Younghyun!"

Younghyun glares at Jae, eyeing all the injuries. His vision turns bright white and all he hears is ringing as he begins to hit the man beside him. He continues to beat him until Jae can pry him off. Jae grabs his wallet and phone from the ground and pulls Younghyun away, running the two towards the bus stop.

The bus sits there as the driver does their paperwork. Jae hops on and scans his card before Younghyun does the same. The driver doesn't acknowledge them much, closing the door after they take their seats. Younghyun seethes, wishing he could have killed that man.

_Why is he so up in arms about this? He doesn't even fucking like me.._

Jae just silently stares at Younghyun, who keeps his head down, grinding his teeth and shaking his leg.

Younghyun sneers under his breath, knowing the bus ride will take well over 30 minutes to get back into town. He doesn't want to be stuck on a bus with a grandfather and Jae staring at him for half an hour.

He looks down to his knuckles, swollen and bloody and scraped. Why did he get so angry at that man? Why did he freak out after seeing Jae hurt? It makes no sense. He's seen Jae worse and didn't care. _This is fucking stupid._

Eventually, the bus lurches to a stop and Younghyun's body falls forward from the gravity. Jae instinctively grabs him, pulling away after Younghyun's eyes pierce into his. Younghyun stands and steps off the bus. He turns to see if Jae gets off too, hoping he doesn't. But the skinny, beaten boy stares at him from across the sidewalk. The wind blows hard against Jae's cheek, burning slightly. He lowers his head and begins to walk to his left, towards his place.

"Where are you going?" Younghyun's voice is flat with that same aggressive tone he now always seems to have when talking to Jae.

Jae pivots and blinks. "Home."

"Not while looking like that." He digs his keys from his pocket but doesn't move. "Your manager is gonna flip if he sees you like that, I've got medicine and shit to at least clean you up."

"Oh." Jae steps towards Younghyun, not sure why he's being any sort of nice. "Are you sure?"

"I can change my mind if you want."

"No, it's fine."

They awkwardly make the trip into the lobby, Younghyun pressing his thumb against the button for the elevator. He barely makes eye contact with Jae, just a few glances to make sure he's still there.

The flat smells odd, like Younghyun chain smoked a pack of cigarettes before he left. But it wasn't a pack, only 3. Jae's nose scrunches but tries not to make it obvious that the smell bothers him. Younghyun tells him to sit down before we disappears through the hall.

It feels awkward just simply sitting down on the couch. Even though it used to be Jae's as well. He basically lived on that couch. His legs finally force him to move towards the furniture but he still doesn't sit. He hovers, staring at the pictures on the wall.

"Sit." He turns to see Younghyun walking in with an arm full of medical supplies and a cigarette loosely set between his lips.

Jae follows orders and watches Younghyun dump the supplies beside him on the couch. Younghyun sits on the coffee table and leans in front of Jae. He grabs an alcohol wipe and tears it open, grabbing the older boy's wrist.

"Ow." Jae whines as the alcohol seeps into the cuts on his knuckles, then coughing from the cigarette smoke.

"Fucking baby." Younghyun snarls, snubbing his cigarette. "Should have just laid down and taken it. Probably wouldn't have gotten so hurt." He continues to berate Jae, despite having basically the same injuries as him.

"Why are you being nice to me then?"

His head snaps up and he glares, as if the answer is so fucking obvious. "I'm not being nice, I'm being a good person."

"Ow." He winces and growls as Younghyun touches the alcohol to his cheek. "That fucking hurts."

“Yeah, I’m sure it does.”

Jae decides it’s best to simply shut up to avoid any more harsh words. He holds his breath as best as possible everytime Younghyun touches his wounds. A whimper leaves the back of his throat and he notices Younghyun pull away slightly. Younghyun places a bandaid over the cut on Jae’s cheekbone. He reaches for a tube of some antiseptic ointment.

He grabs the side of Jae’s head and pulls him forward. Jae jumps, feeling his chest ache as he stares into Younghyun’s eyes. He is caught off guard by Younghyun’s finger touching his bottom lip. Younghyun spreads the ointment carefully across the cut.

“Oh-” Jae clears his throat.

“What?” Younghyun sits back and raises a brow.

“Nothing.”

“Alright. Well, that’s the best you’re gonna get so-” He stands so Jae can get up himself. “Just, uh- text me when you get home so I know you didn’t fucking die, I guess. I don’t want to be forced to live with that guilt.”

Jae simply nods before standing and walking to the front door. He hovers his hand over the doorknob, hoping that Younghyun would stop him. Though...he isn't sure why he feels that way. If he's being honest, he also kinda wants to punch him in the face for how he's been acting lately.

"Later." He finally pushes himself put the door, walking away before it slams behind him.

He doesn't realize he is holding his breath until a rush goes to his head once he reaches the elevator. His face numbs as he attempts not to breakdown. _Just make it home, Jae._

\----------

Jae looks toward the floor as a magazine collides with the back of his head.

“What the fuck were you thinking? You haven’t even been back for a week and you’re already causing trouble!” His manager tosses the magazine back on his desk before beginning to pace.

“I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.” Jae feels a lump form in the back of his throat.

“You’re lucky I’m your manager and won’t take this to the big boss. Just- if you need to get home late at night, call me. Please.”

“Yes, sir.”

He is dismissed, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder as he leaves. The hallway is unfortunately packed with staff members, all looking at the wounds to his face. Jae’s head pounds and he just wants to go home. He debates texting his producer and cancelling their meeting.

His manager walks out and goes around Jae. Jae watches him make his way down the hall. He spaces out, staring at the wall while the staff try to ignore him standing there. His hoodie is pulled over his head to hide himself as he walks away quickly.

Someone bumps into him as he rushes through commons room. He apologizes quietly but when he looks up, he sees a boy glaring at him.

“Why so sad? Your manager rip you a new one because you’re too fucking stupid to back away from a fight?” The boy’s lip twitches, first in a sneer but turns into a smirk.

“Younghyun! My office, now!” The two turn to see their manager standing in the doorway with his arms crossed.

“Your turn.” Jae scoffs before walking away.

Younghyun sighs, rolling his eyes as he makes his way over to his manager. He doesn’t show emotion while they make their way into the office. The same magazine that met Jae’s head soon hits Younghyun’s. He stands with his hands held in front of him and his eyes to the floor.

“Street cams exists, you know. Are you two trying to get yourselves kicked out by fighting a stranger? I don’t care that it was a stupid kid trying to get a wallet. You know not to get involved in shit like that.”

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry.”

His manager sighs and sits at his desk, inviting Younghyun to also take a seat. “I worry about you, Younghyun.”

“There’s nothing to worry about.” He replies softly.

“I think you need to talk things out with Jaehyung. I’ve seen the glares you give each other and it’s a bit childish. You two used to be so close-”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

Younghyun looks up as his manager huffs in annoyance. He lowers his head and and looks to the side, knowing that he’s being combative. “I’m not forcing a friendship between you two. I just don’t want anymore trouble. We were able to cover up everything that happened before but it’s hard to cover up a fight when it’s captured on camera and made top news coverage.”

“I understand.”

“You can go.”

He nods and slowly leaves the office. The hallway is empty as he makes his way through it, back towards the commons area. He grabs his things that he left on a table and leaves, hoping he won’t see Jae on his way out.

\---

Jae sits on his bed, staring at the wall across from. The air is silent and stiff as he continues to be deep in thought. He wonders if he should try to talk things out with Younghyun. Maybe it’s best to just let him live his life.

“I spent so many years by his side and he can’t even look at me without seething. I didn’t even do anything.” He talks to himself, feeling his eyes burn with emotion. “We lost everything and he wants to pretend it never happened.”

He continues to think. His life is a mess and he wonders if Younghyun will be able to make things better. If they can get along again-they can actually heal.

“Fuck it.” He jumps off the bed and rushes through the room, towards the front door.

\--

Younghyun walks to the door as a loud knock echos through the quiet apartment. He stares in confusion and annoyance by the visitor.

"Why are you here?" He clenches his jaw and crosses his arms.

"We need to talk. Come on, we're going to the river." Jae says, very clearly not going to take no for an answer.

Though he is ready to fight Younghyun to get him to go, he actually agrees. Younghyun turns and grabs his phone and his cigarettes from the table, shoving them in his pockets. He slips his shoes on and waits for Jae to move from the doorway so he can walk out.

"We can just take my car." Jae says as Younghyun opens his transportation app.

"How'd you get a car that quickly?"

"My parents sent me the money."

Younghyun scoffs but tries not to show his jealousy. "Oh, right."

The two quietly make their way to the parking lot. Jae points his car out and Younghyun isn't surprised that it's a brand new Hyundai. He doesn't make any comments as he climbs in the passenger's seat after the doors are unlocked.

Jae opts to have a silent drive. They aren't too far from the river but Jae wants to find a spot that isn't very crowded. Eventually, he parks and the two walk the rest of the way. Younghyun is starting to regret starting his workout today, his heels aching and his ankles burning as they continue down the sidewalk. There is an empty bench between the river and a convenience store.

"Are you hungry?" Jae looks to Younghyun as he eyes the building.

"I don't have any money." Younghyun looks down to his feet, dejected.

Jae steps closer towards the store. "I didn't ask if you had money."

He pushes the door open and walks inside. The store looks like any standard convenience store in the area. The back wall has lines of drinks and the right wall has things like gimbap and yogurt. The aisles in between are stocked fully with packaged sausage and dry ramyun noodles. By the counter in a shelf with two microwaves and a table to sit at.

It reminds Jae of all the 7-11 runs the boys would make when they stayed late for practice. He and Younghyun would stuff their arms with snacks and use the company credit card to buy them.

"Get what you want. Don't worry about the price." Jae tells him, digging in his pocket for his wallet.

Younghyun hesitates but eventually steps into the first aisle. His hand hovers over the choices and he grabs a small bag of shrimp chips at the end of the shelf. He looks up and notices that Jae is still standing at the front. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'll eat when I get home."

Younghyun glares and storms up to him after grabbing a random bag off the shelf, pushing it into Jae's chest. "No you won't."

Jae sets the bag on a random shelf and walks to the fridge, grabbing a triangular gimbap and a peach soda. "Happy?" He asks without looking to Younghyun.

The two end up filling two bags with chips, sausages, and drinks along with the shin ramyun they made with rice cakes on top. They sit at the dimly lit bench they eyed when they first got there. Jae watches Younghyun eat as if he hadn’t in days and feels his heart ache.

“When was the last time you ate?” Despite being extremely concerned and saddened, he sounds calm.

Younghyun stops eating and lowers the food down. “I think Monday.”

Jae winces at Younghyun starving for 3 days but is glad that he can fill his stomach tonight. “Well-eat well.”

“What did you do when you got out of the hospital?” Younghyun surprises Jae with this sudden question.

“I stayed with Amy for about 4 months but we broke up and I went home. Then I just recovered, I guess. I lot of different therapies.” He pauses. “What did you do when you got home?”

“I did a fuck ton of coke with Hosung’s brother. Now I have a solo career.” He sniffles, knowing Jae is most likely judging him in his head. “I haven’t done much of recovery, if you couldn’t tell.”

Jae grabs his soda and cracks it open, causing Younghyun to jump and shiver. “Was that a personal choice?”

Younghyun stops again and glares. “If I had the fucking ability to be happy like you, I fucking would be.”

“I’m not..happy.” Younghyun’s chest aches as he notices Jae’s lip twitch and his eyes redden. “I’m anything but happy. I lost everything. Do you think I care about my parents having enough money to get me therapy or new cars? No, all I fucking wanted was my family back.” His voice quivers but he refuses to look away as he finally breaks his walls down. "I came back here hoping to build a friendship back up, to get my happy memories back and heal. Instead, I got the cold shoulder from a druggie and an apartment that barely holds a rat. I don't care about the music or the fame, I want my life back."

"Then why didn't you come back?" Younghyun bites despite on the edge of tears himself.

"I was afraid."

"Of?"

"That you'd be gone, too."

Younghyun pauses and sits up straight, his mouth hanging open slightly. He thought Jae hated him ever since their fight. Jae shakes as he tries not to choke from crying too hard.

"Why didn't you try to contact me?" Younghyun wipes his own tear away from his cheek.

"I did! You always ignored me." He attempts to calm himself, feeling his hands tremble and curl into a fist. “Am I really not that important to you?”

Younghyun slowly realizes that those random texts he would get weren’t from a stranger. “Jae-I’m sorry. I’m so stupid.”

“You’ve been an asshole to me since I got back. Is there even a fucking reason for it?” He looks down to his hands then back to Younghyun, who is visibly trying to hold himself back.

“No.”

Jae stands and gathers the trash and shoving it in the empty bag. “I think we should get home. Don’t want to get in trouble again.”

Younghyun silently grabs the other bag and holds it tightly as they make their way back to the car. He isn’t really sure if the talk helped or hurt their situation. Whatever, maybe their manager will finally be happy. _No..Who fucking cares if he’s happy._

_I just want to be happy.._

The ride back to Younghyun’s apartment is deafeningly quiet. The only that can be heard is the rustling of the bag when Younghyun shuffles around anxiously. Jae holds his breath to keep himself from having a panic attack. He thinks if he grips the steering wheel any tighter that it will rip the leather.

Jae pulls into a parking spot and unlocks the door. He stares forward at first but notices that Younghyun isn’t leaving. His head snaps over to Younghyun when he hears him whimper.

“Don’t leave me.” Younghyun’s eyes close to keep himself from breaking down. “I can’t be alone tonight. I need you to come upstairs with me or I’ll do something I’ll regret.”

Without a word, Jae turns the car off and gets out. Younghyun clenches his jaw as he pushes the door open. He looks up to see that Jae had walked around to greet him. Jae grabs the bag and wraps the handles around his wrist. Younghyun stands and walks around him towards the door while holding his breath. He lets out a shaky gasp when he reaches the elevator.

Jae recognizes the same musty smell of cigarettes as they step into the flat. He notices Younghyun getting irritated and twitching a bit more than normal. “You-you can smoke. It’s okay. I won’t judge you.”

“Thanks.” He wanted to sound sincere but instead sounded harsh again.

Younghyun digs into his pocket and pulls the crumpled pack of cigarettes out. His hands tremble as he flicks his lighter and brings the flame to the end of the cigarette. He knows he definitely was feeling the withdrawals from nicotine but it wasn’t what caused his shaking. Jae sets the bag of food on the coffee table before slowly taking a seat on the couch. Younghyun stays near the kitchen to keep the smoke away from Jae as much as possible. He may still want to hit him but he isn’t going to be that asshole that smokes in front of someone that doesn’t like it.

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to the bathroom.” Jae clears his throat and stands back up.

He naturally walks down the hall to the bathroom. Younghyun sits at the kitchen counter and rests his elbows up, burying his palms in his eyes.

Jae closes the door and slides against it to the floor. He buries his head in his knees and lets out a shaky breath. His eyes burn as he keeps himself from crying. He looks up and stares at the bathtub. There is still water in it. Younghyun must have been in the bath when we showed up. Something else catches his eye and his heart rate spikes. There is something half hidden under a towel that was thrown on the floor. He kicks it away with his foot to confirm his suspicions. A small handgun.

He chokes up and jumps to his feet. Younghyun looks up as he rushes out. He jumps feeling Jae’s arms wrap tightly around his body.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. This is all my fault. Please don’t leave me.” Jae no longer hold his tears back as he muffles into Younghyun’s shoulder. “I can’t lose you.”

Younghyun has lost his ability to hold back his emotions as well, violently shaking against Jae’s body. He begins to hyperventilate, digging his nails into Jae’s shoulders. “You left me.” 


	3. Actually, I'm lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter maybe difficult to read due to recent circumstances so if you are still raw from that or easily triggered by mental illness, I would strongly suggest waiting to read this chapter. It isn't too harsh but it's depressing. What else would be expected of me honestly..I love you guys

Jae stumbles back and loses his breath as Younghyun pushes him in the chest. He stares, watching Younghyun turn back into his old self. Younghyun tries to run down the hall towards the bathroom but Jae grabs him tightly. He whimpers from the nails digging into his skin.

"Why the fuck did you have to come back?" Younghyun screams in Jae's ear, throwing his head back and yelling out in frustration.

Jae forces Younghyun to walk into the living room and sit on the couch. He stares at his old friend's tear stained face and feels a pressure in his chest. The last time Younghyun cried like this was when he found Wonpil in Michigan. Jae attempts to find any words to comfort Younghyun but is afraid he will say something wrong.

"I was doing so well.." Younghyun whispers to himself before staring into space. He wonders if he really was doing better. Who tries to off themselves if they are better? Is doing better really pushing everything to the back of your mind? "Or at least I thought I was."

"You pretended to be-" Jae finally speaks, "because you wanted to be better. But it's not that simple."

"It was for you!" Jae flinches at Younghyun's voice raise. "You were able to pay yourself better."

"I'm not better, Younghyun. I pretend too. I've had to deal with so many fucking flashbacks it's not even funny. Most of them deal with finding you nearly dead."

Jae is caught off guard by a hard punch to his cheek. He groans and grabs his face before closing his eyes. His body freezes, hearing Sungjin's voice yelling overtop Younghyun's. The voice quickly turns into a high pitched ringing as Younghyun strikes him again, this time in the back of the head. He brings his arms up in defense and folds his body in half. His body trembles from both pain and the memories.

He doesn't immediately look up after Younghyun pulls away.

"What happened to you, Jae?" Younghyun glares before looking to his red knuckles. "Why do you let people beat you up?"

Jae stands, feeling his legs shake slightly. "I need to go to Sungjin's room."

Younghyun watches him storm down the hallway and gets up after him. Jae quickly pushes the door open and stops, everything is exactly the same. Sungjin's things are neatly placed on shelves and his bed perfectly made. Jae's eyes travel to the desk. There is a photo book filled with pictures of the couple. He growls and grabs it. Younghyun yells out as Jae begins to rip the photos out, scattering them across the floor. He stops at the last picture and stares. Younghyun expects him to rip it in half or toss it away as well but instead Jae simply folds it and places it in his jeans pocket.

"What are you doing?" Younghyun steps forward.

"Finally destroying what hurt me." Jae nearly gets lost in his memories, seeing the pair of headphones he got Sungjin for Christmas before their debut. His lip twitches into a slight smile as he eyes the three page letter he wrote for him pinned to his cork board. "You weren't all bad, babe."

"Jae-" He attempts to grab for him but Jae flinches away. "I get it. You're not healed either."

"I'm not trying to prove anything to you." Jae glares at Younghyun before bumping last him.

Younghyun doesn't immediately follow Jae and instead listens to him storm down the hallway towards the bathroom. He knows that Jae is taking the gun away but he doesn't have anymore strength to fight him. Eventually, he turns and makes his way to the living room. Jae stands there with his hands deep in his pockets. His mouth is tilted in a smile as he sees a pair of Dowoon's drumsticks laying in the corner.

"I'm glad we got to talk." Jae looks to Younghyun and nods. "Have a good night. Call me if you need anything."

He quietly makes his exit, careful to not close the door too hard on his way out. His hands tremble against the cold metal in his pocket. He gets his phone out and dials his manager's number while walking to the elevator.

\----

Younghyun lays in Dowoon's bed, staring at the ceiling as he tightly holds a pillow to his chest. His body is numb and he really couldn't care less if the world ended this exact moment. He looks to the door after hearing the main entrance open. Heavy footsteps fill the flat and he knows exactly who will walk into the room.

"I don't have it." Younghyun had gone back to staring at the ceiling.

"I know." His manager softly closes the door and sits on Younghyun's bed. "I knew I was right to worry about you."

"I'm fine."

"You almost shot yourself."

Younghyun closes his eyes and releases a heavy sigh from his lungs. He reaches for his cigarettes and blindly puts one in his mouth, not caring about getting yelled at. "That threat is gone." He throws his lighter to the floor after lighting his cigarette. "I'll be fine."

His manager wants to lean over and snatch the cigarette from Younghyun's lips but decided against it. "You know after so many attempts, I can't find the will to believe you."

"Do what you will to me, sir. Not much can help me anymore."

"How did talking with Jae go?"

Younghyun feels a flip in his chest. He wants to say it went horribly and helped nothing. But for some reason, it truly did help. He got to get some of his emotions out and so did Jae. He almost wishes he could do it again. "We got some things off our chest but I don't know if it helped our relationship any."

"After you're done smoking you have to come back to my office and sign a few papers for me."

"How long this time?"

His manager sighs and looks to his hands. "2 months."

Younghyun isn't a stranger to mental hospitals anymore. Once he came back from America he stayed for a week and admits he can't remember much of it. Then after his first solo promotions he went back for 3 days. He's numb to the thought of going back now. Though, 2 months without his crutches worries him slightly.

He sits up and takes one long drag from his cigarette before setting it in his ashtray. His manager watches him stand and grab a duffle bag from the floor. Younghyun walks to his closet and stuffs random outfits into the bag. Once it's filled, he returns to Dowoon's bed, picking the cigarette back up. He silently finishes it, admittedly smoking slower than usual.

"I really am a handful," Younghyun looks to his manager, "aren't I?"

"You're the reason I drink." The man cracks a small smile after Younghyun scoffs and chuckles. "But I'm glad I'm able to help you as much as possible. I've been by your side for years and I wouldn't change it for the world, Younghyun."

"Do I have to go?"

"I don't know. Do you?" His manager cross his legs. "I may be your manager but you're still an adult. It won't affect your contract if you don't go but I suggest that you get some sort of help again."

"I want Jae to move back in."

\----------------

Jae's head rests against the table of the commons. He plays with the string of his hoodie while watching his juniors gather around a pile of food. Their voices fill the room, making Jae smile slightly by their joy. He sits up as Chan walks towards him.

"Hyung, do you want anything?" Chan points to the food.

Jae smiles and puts his hand up. "Oh, no thank you. You guys enjoy."

Chan nods and walks back to the boys. Jae gets his phone out and checks his missed texts. He has a message from his manager telling to come to his office as soon as he sees the text. At first he wonders what he did wrong, knowing he hasn't even done anything.

He grabs his bag and makes his way towards the door. The boys wave him goodbye and he waves as he leaves. The hallway seems extra long today but maybe it's because he didn't sleep at all last night. He couldn't. He could only worry about Younghyun. When he met his manager in the parking lot, his hands trembled as he had to hold the gun again to give it to him. He doesn't like to touch weapons and has never had a real reason to as he grew up.

His manager looks from his laptop as he slowly walks in. He holds his breath as he sees Younghyun sitting in one of the chairs across from his desk. Jae slides his bag from his shoulder and sets it by the door. He slowly approaches the desk and sits when his manager tells him to.

"Younghyun, you had something to ask Jae." Their manager states. "Go ahead."

Jae looks to Younghyun who is visibly anxious, picking at the skin around his nails. "Jae-" he lets out a slow and shaky breath. "I want you to move into the dorm."

"Okay." Jae replies calmly.

Younghyun's head perks up and he trembles slightly. "Really?"

"That was easier than I expected." Their manager sits forward.

"Why would I deny living in my old home? I can also keep an eye on you better."

There is silence for a few moments as Younghyun bites off the skin of his lip. He feels an ache in his chest at those words. Jae seems to actually care about him. "I have to go away for a while, though."

"Where are you going?" Jae's voice wavers as he thinks about being alone for any amount of time. "How long?"

"A white room with a bed in the corner." He scoffs. "Originally it was going to be 2 months but I talked it down to 1."

"You're going to the hospital?" His shoulders tense, feeling like it's his fault that Younghyun has to be locked up again. "I didn't mean to-"

"I'm glad you did."

"I'll be moved in by the time you get back. Don't stress about it."

Younghyun nods and lowers his head back down. He stares at the duffle bag at his feet, slightly regretting signing those papers. If he could turn back now he would. But if he isn't at the hospital within 2 hours, they will send the police to get him instead.

He stands and their manager does the same. Jae watches them walk towards the door. He feels his stomach twist, not expecting Younghyun to have to leave at this exact moment. Younghyun lets out a quiet goodbye before walking out. Their manager holds a stack of papers in his hand, grabbing his keys and jacket before following.

Jae feels his cheeks numb with anxiety. This is all his fault. He didn't want Younghyun to be locked away..he just didn't want him to hurt himself. Maybe this was the right choice. Younghyun didn't seem to be upset about it. Jae buries his face in his hands and holds his breath to keep himself from a panic attack.

\----------

Younghyun stares silently as a woman takes his bag and hands it to a nurse. He watches as he takes it to a room to search it, making sure there is no contraband. The woman asks him to hold his arms out as she wands him with a handheld metal detector.

"Do you smoke?" She asks after setting the metal detector down and grabbing a clipboard.

"Yeah." Younghyun replies simply. "Don't remember?" His mouth twitches into a smile.

"Some people quit their bad habits, Younghyun."

He tilts his head and leans closer to her. "Do you still smoke?"

"It's not about me, boy." She attempts to hide her own smile while taking a step back. "Alright, let me show you to your room. You're alone this time but don't expect that to always be the case." They begin to walk down a small hallway until they reach a room in the corner. "It's too late for you to get a dinner tray but snack time is at 8, I'll ask if they can make something extra for you."

Younghyun walks into the room, unable to help himself from staring out the large window. He sits on the bed and looks to the woman. "Of course."

"If you do well, we can hopefully see you out of here early and we expect you to actually come to groups this time."

"Yes, ma'am." He looks to his feet. "But I think I'm going to sit in here for today."

"Okay, just let us know if you need anything. The doctor will be meeting you in the morning to talk about your goal plan."

"Thank you."

\--------

Jae stares at the wall, as he sits on his old bed, surrounded by boxes of his things. He wonders why he isn't happy to have his old place back and to have Younghyun still be here. His heart aches as he looks to the empty bed across the room. It feels cold without Wonpil. He misses him so fucking much. He suddenly feels horrible for how he treated Wonpil before. Maybe he'd still be here if he let Wonpil have what he wanted..needed to keep him sane. Maybe everyone would still be here if Wonpil didn't think he was worthless. Jae wishes he could change things, tell Wonpil he loved him. That he could tell Sungjin to tell Wonpil he loved him. He wishes he could tell Younghyun to have some control and not ruin Wonpil and Dowoon's relationship. Then he wouldn't have felt so alone.

His lip trembles and he feels his eyes sting from tears. He stands up slowly. He knows he needs to eat but doubts there is any food in the flat. His suspicions are correct as he stares into the fridge that has two beers and a bottle of ketchup inside along with random items he can tell are very expired.

He gasps as there is a loud knock against the front door. His body freezes and the knocking turns into pounding. He very slowly makes his way to the wall, stopping when he hears a man's voice begin to shout.

"Younghyun! I fucking know you're in there! I need my fucking money! It's been a week!" The voice is slightly muffled but loud enough to make out every word. Jae lowers himself despite there being no windows by the door. "You don't have your friend to protect you, now. If I don't have it by Friday, we're kicking the door in and taking it!"

Jae's body trembles violently, hearing the door to the staircase open and close hard. He debates calling the police or even his manager but doesn't know who that person was. Or if anything can be done about that. He has 6 days to live in fear of whoever coming back. It takes a few minutes for his heartbeat to calm. He yelps and falls to the floor as the front door opens.

His manager stands there, confused by the boy looking close to a panic attack. "Are you-okay?"

Jae gets back to his feet and takes a few deep breaths before nodding. "Yeah..sorry."

"Younghyun put your name on his family list. Visitation is at 1." He looks at his phone. "It takes about 40 minutes to get there so if you want to visit, we'll have to leave asap."

Jae feels a pang is his stomach. Younghyun really gave him permission to visit him. "Yeah, let me grab my phone."

Jae rushes back to the bedroom and grabs his phone off the bed. He stops and wonders if he should bring something for Younghyun to keep with him. Maybe a book or a stuffed animal. It hits him and he runs out, over to Younghyun's room. On Younghyun's bed there lays a teddy bear with its leg sown halfway up. It looks worn, with its fur lightened from age and going through a fire. Jae carefully picks it up and holds it tightly to his chest as he walks back to the living room.

"Okay, I'm ready." He shoves his shoes on and grabs his coat, slightly worried that that man will be outside still.

"To make things easier just say you're his brother."

His manager gets into the driver's seat of his car and waits for Jae to crawl in on the other side. He starts his car and drives off while Jae is still putting his seatbelt on.

"I feel like you two are getting close again." His manager speaks, looking over to Jae as the traffic slows down.

"I don't know about Younghyun but I never hated him." Jae stares at the dashboard, clutching the stuffed bear. "There were times back when Junhyeok-" he closes his eyes, and sighs, remembering the day that Junhyeok felt so lonely that he kissed Jae. Ever since that day and ever since he told Younghyun, he has felt guilty. He wishes he could have fixed that situation before but by the time he confessed, it was too late. "But it does seem like he's warming back up to me. I don't expect him to face me and not be hurt by it."

"You know, you're really good at hiding when you're in pain."

Jae's lip twitches and he looks up to the cars moving forward at the intersection. "If I'm being honest, I felt guilty that I was one of the ones to survive. I still do. I'm so happy that Younghyun is still here but it feels wrong that I got to be here too. Why not Sungjin? Or Dowoon? He was so young. What made my life more special than theirs that I got to live? Hell, it's my fault that Younghyun hates me! I moved on too early and I made him alone again."

He holds his breath as his manager doesn't immediately respond. The man taps his finger on the wheel while trying to find the right thing to say. "You didn't make him alone again. He chose to come back home early and when he did he got the help he needed."

"Then I came back and ruined it all again."

"Jaehyung, you have to stop being so hard on yourself."

"I'm sorry, sir."

His manager looks over as Jae drops his head down. "I'm not disciplining you, I'm just concerned for your well-being."

"Thank you, sir. I really am okay. I can take a lot of abuse before I snap."

The two stay relatively quiet the rest of the drive to the hospital. Jae stares forward as they park. He gets out and feels the odd warmth of the sun hit his back. He scoffs at the idea of it being so bright at such a dull place. His manager leads him to the front entrance, where it is equally as bright but there is a feeling of dread in the air.

A woman who sits at a large desk greets them. She asks them if they are visiting a patient to which they both reply yes. The boys' manager explains it will just be Jae that is visiting. Jae looks at him in confusion.

"Just me?" He can't help but feel a little anxious.

"I'm only here for safety and privacy of my kids." His manager nods to him before walking to a small sitting area to the side.

"Sir, if you could place that stuffed animal on this table for me, please." The woman points to a small metal platform on the desk. He slowly sets it down, not wanting it to be harmed. "We're just making sure there isn't any contraband snuck inside. Okay, you're good. If you could just go over to that officer right over there and he will check you then you can go upstairs. Have a good day."

"T- thank you." He picks the bear back up and approaches the tall man.

Jae follows the man's directions to stick his arms out as he is patted down then wanded. He gets the okay to go and a different guard leads him through a locked door. Jae's stomach twists as he walks behind the man, trying not to feel dizzy. He's never seen the inside of a psychiatric hospital and really never thought he'd have to.

"Who are you visiting? Brother? Sister? Spouse?" The man asks, seemingly curious rather than needing to know the answer.

"My-brother." Jae tenses, feeling weird for lying but would rather lie than not see Younghyun.

The man opens a door with his keycard and tells Jae to walk inside, closing the door behind him. Jae slowly walks to the counter and asks where Younghyun is. The nurse tells him that everyone is in the day room and points to where it's at. Before Jae walks off, she tells him that he will have to go to Younghyun's room for visitation. Jae nods and walks towards the day room.

Everyone instinctively looks up as someone walks in. They all stare at the stranger in front of the room. Younghyun jumps from his chair and runs over to him. He collides into Jae's chest, wrapping his arms tightly around his torso. Jae holds him there for a moment, closing his eyes and attempting not to tear up. He tells Younghyun that they need to go to his room. Younghyun pulls off and nods, walking off down the hall.

Jae sits at the desk while Younghyun is set on his bed. He notices Jae holding something close to his chest and questions.

"Oh-I thought you'd want this here with you." Jae carefully hands it over.

Younghyun feels his body shake as he stares at the bear. He smiles despite tears rolling down his cheek. "Thank you. I needed this."

"Younghyun-"

"What?" Younghyun fears that Jae will say that he doesn't want to live together or that he wants to move back to LA. Or worse, that he truly hates him.

"Someone came to the door today. They sounded angry at you." A lump forms in Jae's throat. "Why are you still doing things that will get you in trouble?"

Younghyun widens his eyes and begins to panic. "What did they say? Are you okay? Did they see you?"

"I'm fine. But you have until Friday to get them their money or they'll break in and take it."

"Please, Jae. I'm begging you. Do not go home on Friday, stay with our manager or go to a hotel. Just don't go home. I'll handle it."

"How will you handle it? You've only been here for a day, Younghyun. How much do you owe?"

"It doesn't matter. I'll fix it."

"Tell me how much you owe. Now."

Younghyun sees the anger in Jae's eyes but knows it's not truly at him. "$900."

Jae's jaw drops at the amount. "Why are you putting yourself in the hole like this?"

"To be fair, I wasn't supposed to be alive for it to hurt anyone."

Jae sits back and taps his fingers on the desk. "Don't worry about it."

Younghyun jumps forward and grabs Jae's arm, pulling him closer. "Jae, no don't do anything. I don't want you to be involved in this."

"Is it Hosung's brother?" He waits for Younghyun to nod. "Then it involves the people I love. It involves you because of your addictions and Sungjin because of what he did to Hosung. And how Hosung tried to kill you but hurt Wonpil instead. This is personal to me-" he leans close to Younghyun's face and whispers. "and if that means that boy goes out like his brother, so be it."

"Jae-please don't do this." Younghyun is definitely scared of how Jae is speaking. He isn't a violent person at all and just hearing him say these things makes him fear that he will get in trouble or hurt.

"If he doesn't accept my money then he'll accept a brick to the fucking skull." He sits back in the chair and stares deep into Younghyun's eyes. "I don't think you understand how much I'm willing to protect you."

"I don't want you to die."

"I won't."


	4. Reality Turns Red So Easily

Jae stares into space as he sits on the couch, his hand clutching his phone tightly. His leg shakes anxiously while he thinks of what to do about Hosung's brother. The money isn't the issue. He has that. Younghyun needs out of this mess and if Jae has to use violence for that to happen, so be it. His anger fuels him enough to forget he's only ever punched 3 people in his life and all were in the last few years. 

He clenches his jaw and shivers from anxiety and rage. Younghyun's phone goes off from the kitchen. Jae stands and walks over to check it. He kept it plugged in for Younghyun, who gave him permission to check his notifications in case there is something important. 

[Restricted - 2:17am]: still hiding?   
[Restricted - 2:17am]: too bad your friends are dead. Their ghosts can't protect you. 

Jae's hands shake as he heavily places the phone back on the counter. He looks around for something heavy to use as a weapon. He remembers that Dowoon has a baseball bat from when he used to play with his old friends. 

He stops and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself before grabbing the bat from the closet. Is he really going to do this? If it protects Younghyun, then absolutely. He grabs his phone, keys, and a bank envelope filled with the money, tucking the bat under his arm as he leaves. 

\------

Younghyun sits at his desk and shakes his legs violently. He picks at the scab on his cheek and looks down when he feels something drip from his nose. Of course his nose is bleeding. He growls and slams his hands on the desk before standing to get a tissue and tell a nurse that he got blood on his things. By the time he reaches the nurses station, my palm is pooled in blood. 

"Hey, can I get a few tissues?" Younghyun asks calmly. "Oh and I got a bit of blood on my desk." 

The nurse stands and quickly grabs about 4 tissues from the box beside her. She runs out, telling Younghyun to come over to the door. He does and she helps clean the blood away from his hand with a few more tissues and alcohol swabs. She hands him a few wipes to clean the desk and his face after the bleeding stops. Younghyun thanks her and makes his way back to his room. 

Younghyun's used to the nosebleeds so it doesn't bother him honestly, it kinda reminds him that he isn't invincible and needs to calm down. Other times it makes him want to relapse. He tears the alcohol pad open with his teeth and spits out the wrapper. The blood has coagulated slightly so it's a bit difficult to clean up at first, especially with one hand. He throws the wipe away, leaving the wrapper on the floor and walks to his bathroom. 

He turns the water on and begins to wash the blood from his face. The water is a bit too cold and makes him jump but he continues on. His vision blurs slightly as he keeps his head down. Attempting to shake it off, he grabs his towel and dries his face. He looks in the mirror and curses when he sees Junhyeok crying while standing behind him. He turns around quickly, letting out a yell and throwing the towel at the wall. His foot slips as he tries to step back, causing him to fall. He hits the tile hard and almost instantly, the room is filled with nurses. 

One nurse attempts to get Younghyun to respond but he just shakes and stares in shock. He slowly reaches to the back of his head but another tells him not to touch it. His eyes travel to the tiles below him and notices the blood. He must have hit the sink on the way down. It doesn't hurt but he knows it should. Two nurses walk out and calls for their medical team to come up. 

"I'm okay, it's just a bump." Younghyun winces as he begins to sit up, using a nurses arm to help him. 

"It's policy that we get you checked out. We have to make sure you didn't get a concussion and stop the bleeding." The nurse speaks to him but he finds it hard to concentrate.

He still panics at seeing Junhyeok again. It's been so long since his last hallucination that he forgot what it felt like. The pain starts to appear and he throws his head back, nearly hitting the sink again. He yells out and drops his back against the wall. 

"Fuck! What did I do?" He takes hard breaths, not fully sure what actually happened. 

The medical crew walk in and the nurses clear out to give them space. One of them leans down and shines a light into Younghyun's eyes, making him flinch away. He then holds a finger in front of his face and tells Younghyun to touch it then touch his own nose. Younghyun follows orders but when the man moves his hand, Younghyun misses completely. He loses strength and drops his arm to his lap. 

"Sorry. I'm tired." He mumbles before closing his eyes. 

\------

The street is pretty much empty when Jae arrives at Hosung's brother's home. He turns his GPS off and shoves his phone in his pocket. At first, he thinks he should bring the bat with him. But if the boy sees a weapon he may attack. 

He puts his keys in his hoodie pocket and counts the money to make sure it's exactly what is owed. His body shakes with emotion and adrenaline, which must be what's making him brave enough to do this. 

The car door slams shut after he gets out and he stares at the building. The sidewalk to the front door is broken and covered in shattered glass. Not a new sight to see for Jae but he isn't surprised it's a mess. His body takes control as he walks to the door. He pounds the side of his fist against the metal and waits. There is yelling from inside that gets louder as someone reach the door. 

Jae looks up and glares as the door opens. "You lookin' for Younghyun's money?" 

The boy tilts his head and crosses his arms. "And who are you?" 

"Answer my question first. You're Hosung's brother, yeah?"

"Yeah. Who the fuck are you, _skinny boy_?" 

Jae digs into his pocket and pulls the envelope out. He shoves it into the boy's chest hard enough to make him stumble and leans in close. "The fucking bank." 

Jae turns and begins to walk away hearing the boy laugh. The boy yells for someone but Jae doesn't look back. He groans and his body flies forward as someone runs up behind him, shoving him down. His palms scrape against the concrete and the breath gets knocked from his lungs. He manages to roll on his back and grab the man's arms before he attacks. Jae lifts his feet and kicks him in the stomach. The man pulls away and Jae runs to his car. He reaches in and grabs the bat, knowing he doesn't have time to get in and drive away. 

He swings at the man and hits him directly in the chest. Fuck that was amazing. His hands sweat and shake and he can barely see straight as he runs into the house. Hosung's brother widens his eyes and takes a few steps back to avoid any hits. Before Jae can reach him, two men grab his shoulders and force him down to his knees. One reaches down and grabs the bat, swinging it back. Jae coughs as it collides into his stomach. He tries to rip free but stops when Hosung's brother points a gun to his head. The boy takes a step back and cocks the gun, aiming it once more. 

"Go ahead, try to escape. You'll get a bullet to the brain." He growls. 

Jae's body heats up with rage and he yells out. He curses and falls flat against the carpet as the bat slams into his back. The men stand him back up and one punches Jae, hitting his cheek bone. Hosung's brother grabs Jae's shirt and pulls him forward. Jae curses again when the boy headbutts him. His nose instantly starts to bleed and mixes with the blood from his mouth. The two men take turns beating Jae's body, punches, kicks as he falls to the floor, and the bat hitting hard against his torso. He collapses one last time before he blacks out. 

\----

Younghyun flinches as a nurse cleans the blood away from his wound. It's a small cut but it feels like his entire head is split open. They had given him an IV with pain medication in it but it only half works. His vision blurs again and he feels his body start to fall to the right. The nurse drops her things on the bed and catches him. He apologizes and attempts to sit straight once more. His head spins but he closes his eyes to stop from getting sick. He digs his nails into the bed as the nurse finishes cleaning.

"My head is killing me." His eyes tighten even more, feeling a small rush that makes him nauseous. 

"Well, you definitely bumped it pretty decently. Hopefully the medicine will kick in soon for you." The nurse frowns, seeing the obvious discomfort on Younghyun's face. 

"I think I'm going to puke." 

The nurse asks him if he's able to stand so he can get to the bathroom. He nods and slowly slides off the bed until his feet touch the floor. His legs shake and he refuses to open his eyes. A police officer stands at the door, waiting to take Younghyun back to the psychiatric facility after he has his scans. He also makes sure that Younghyun isn't going to try and make a run for the exit. Younghyun steps forward and hears a loud, high pitched whine before everything goes bright. He collapses to the floor despite the nurse and the officer attempting to catch him. His body is covered in sweat and his nose begins to bleed again as he lays semiconscious against the cold tile. 

He can feel hands grabbing at him but can't hear anything. His brain is telling him to open his eyes but he can't and fears the thought of seeing such bright lights. He can feel his body being lifted onto a bed but as soon as he hits he falls completely unconscious. 

\----

Jae wakes up and cries out in pain. He panics as he notices it's completely dark around him. His legs are bent towards his chest and when he attempts to sit up, his shoulder and head hit something. He realizes he must be in the trunk of a car. As he attempts to not have a panic attack, he hopes that this is his car or not he isn't stuck somewhere dangerous.

He blindly searches around for anything to help him out, feeling his key fob by his side. To his back, he feels the bat and sighs in relief that he didn't lose it. Unable to find the quick release on the door of the trunk, he forces the middle console in the back seat down. His body squeezes through the small opening and he looks around. It's dark out but he can tell he's at the river. He crawls to the front seat and presses the engine button to start the car. 

His body is covered in dried blood and he can't stop from shaking as he finds his way out of the lot. At least Younghyun isn't is debt anymore. He attempts to catch his breath as he drives but realizes that he is hours from home. Thankfully he has enough gas to get back. Those fuckers must have taken him to the river hoping he wouldn't find his way out. Jae wants to be angry but his fear and panic just want him to leave the area as soon as possible.

"Fuck." He curses when he tries to find his phone. His pocket is empty. Hoping it's in his car, he attempts to make a call with his car's Bluetooth. It seems to act like it's connected to a device but Jae still holds his breath. As it continues to ring, he gets more and more anxious. 

"Jae, what are you doing awake?" A voice echoes through the car's speakers. "You should be in bed."

"Sorry-" he laughs through his trembling. "I lost my phone and wasn't sure if it was still in the car. Go back to sleep, love you mom." 

"Get some sleep, I love you, too." 

Jae rubs his face after hanging up but winces as he grazes his wounds. He puts the window down a bit as he drives and just focuses on making it home. At this point he's glad he forgot his wallet on the counter at home. The pain suddenly hits him and he gasps, forcing himself to pull over. 

He wonders if he should go to the hospital but is afraid that he will get in trouble. His manager can't find out about this. If he has to avoid him until wounds heal then so be it. He rests his head on the steering wheel and looks at his shaking hands, covered in blood and cuts. There is a sharp sting on the back of his leg. He reaches down to figure out what's wrong, picking up a small shard of glass. He slowly looks to the passenger's side and sees more glass on the seat. His eyes travel upwards until he sees the empty hole where his window should be. 

_Son of a bitch.._

His stomach tenses as a surge of pain runs across abdomen. He needs to make it home. It's not safe to stay on the interstate with a broken window. Despite still not being able to see fully, he starts his car back up and merges back onto the road. He just needs to make it one more hour. Then he'll be home. Then he can just relax.

\----

Younghyun slowly opens his eyes and looks around in confusion. His head feels heavy as he attempts to sit up. He looks to his wrist and notices a cuff around it, hooked to the bed. There are cables all over his body and a tube shoved down his nose. He weakly reaches to call for a nurse and waits, trying his best to stay awake. A man comes in and asks Younghyun what he needs. 

"What-" he blinks and feels a rush to his head, "the hell happened?" 

The nurse gives a soft smile and approaches the bed. "You had a brain bleed and got out of surgery a few hours ago." He looks up to Younghyun's IV. "Are you feeling any pain or discomfort?" 

"I what? How?" He feels his chest tighten slightly and his head suddenly feels like someone is stepping on it. "Shit, fuck yes I'm in pain." 

He falls backwards and the nurse tells him to be careful of his stitches. Younghyun's vision blurs slightly after the nurse adjusts his medication drip. His body feels light and his eyes flicker as he quickly falls asleep. 

\----

Jae is about 20 minutes from the dorm when he gets a call. He looks at the screen of his car and curses as he reads his manager's number. Getting a feeling that something is wrong, he answers it, hoping his manager won't notice that he's not home.

"Hello?" He tries to hide his anxiety in his voice as he slows back down to the speed limit. 

"Hey, I just learned that Younghyun had to get emergency surgery. I can't go check him since I just landed in Los Angeles for a business trip. I don't know what time it is there but can you go check on him?" His manager sounds stressed and tired but genuinely concerned. "They said it was something about his head."

Jae feels his heart flip in his chest. "I-yeah, yeah. No problem. Thanks for letting me know." 

"I can tell you're driving but instead of yelling at you, I hope you're staying out of trouble. Go check on Younghyun. I'll be back next Thursday. Text me if you need anything."

His manager hangs up and Jae can't help but let out a slightly hysterical laugh. This is fucking great. He puts the new location into his GPS and slams on his brakes to immediately take an exit. Thankfully there aren't many cars around this late so he just drives on. The pain doesn't dissipate but he's so focused on getting to the hospital that it doesn't bother him. 

\--

The hallways are quiet and some lights are turned off as Jae rushes to find where Younghyun's room is. Nurse work quietly at each desk he passes, none ask him if he needs help. He finally finds Younghyun's name on a door and pushes through. It catches him off guard to see Younghyun in a poor state again. His head is bandaged and he has to have oxygen through his nose. 

Jae slowly walks in, not sure if he can wake Younghyun or not. Or if he even should. He groans as he sits, trying to figure out what happened. His eyes travel around the dark room, trying to find anything to give him clues but fails. However, he does notice the handcuff and wonders if it is really necessary. 

His hands and legs shake and tremble more now that he is finally relaxed. He closes his eyes and leans his head back into the chair. 

He jumps awake and stares wide eyed when he realizes that he fell asleep. The sun is up and there is a nurse checking Younghyun's IV. Jae winces as he sits up straight. The nurse blindly greets him and begins to walk off but he stops her. 

"Is he going to be okay?" Jae asks, forgetting that he looks like someone ran him over three times and clears his throat. "What happened?"

"He had a small hemorrhage likely stemming from his drug use. It most likely was an aneurysm that ruptured or bled when he fell and hit his head. The good news is that he's expected to make a full recovery." The nurse answers and tries not to judge Jae's appearance. 

"Will he have to go back to the psych hospital after he recovers?" 

"Once he recovers, he will be transferred back but it's uncertain if they want to discharge him or not." The nurse tucks her patient folder under her arm. "He'll most likely be out of this ward in the morning. After that it's out of our hands."

"Alright- thank you." 

She nods to Younghyun and Jae turns to look. Younghyun weakly waves to Jae, looking at the older boy's wounds and laughing. The nurse leaves and Jae walks to the bed. 

"I told you not to get hurt." Younghyun frowns. "Look at you. You've ruined your pretty boy body." He points. "And your stupid face."

"You said you didn't want me to die. I'm alive." Jae attempts to laugh but gasps at a surge of pain running through his abdomen. "I wish I was on the pain meds they gave you. Then I could partially insult you while feeling nothing."

"I feel not a fucking thing. I called you pretty. That isn't an insult. Stupid face was.They gave me the good shit." He grabs for Jae's hand. Jae hesitates, but eventually cups his palm with Younghyun's, feeling a lump form in his throat. "Thank you for being here." 

Jae brushes a small piece of Younghyun's bang from his face and stares down to him. His grip is much harder than Younghyun's but he can't seem to let go of his hand. He twitches, trying not to cry once Younghyun falls back asleep. "I wouldn't leave you."

\--

The next morning, Younghyun is up and walking around. His bandage has been taken off, revealing many staples and a spot of shaved hair. They allowed him to take his cuff off so he could move, knowing he won't have the ability to run away. He still doesn't fully understand everything around him and mixes up words but otherwise he's better. Jae helps him walk down the hall and back to his room as exercise. 

It pains Jae to let him go when the police officer comes to bring Younghyun back to the psychiatric facility. He fears that something will happen to him and no one will help. Will Younghyun get his pain medication? Will they watch to make sure he doesn't get hurt again? 

He just wants Younghyun to be home safe. But maybe the hospital is the safest place right now. Jae doesn't want Hosung's brother to be a danger to Younghyun's well-being. Hell, part of him worries that Hosung's brother will be at the flat to attack him once he gets home.

"I'll visit you in a few hours, okay?" Jae hugs Younghyun as they step out of the elevator. "Get some rest."

Younghyun smiles and wishes he could hug Jae again. It's been so long since he's had any real forms of affection. He knows that Jae is upset about this but he can't do anything to make him feel better. The police officer leads Younghyun down the hall while Jae walks to the exit. Jae refuses to look back, knowing that if he sees Younghyun being taken away again he will breakdown. Younghyun stares at Jae's back, feeling his stomach twist as he bites his lip to keep from crying.

This shit is happening too fast and Jae can't handle it. He gets to his car, not caring that there is still glass all over the seats. His face buries in his hands and he cries. He cries hard enough to give him a headache. Hard enough to make him nauseous. This is too much stress to deal with for the span of a few days. It hurt so much seeing the pain in Younghyun's eyes as they pulled away from each other. Just a week ago the two were horribly mean and awful. Now..now it's like they are closer than they ever have been. 

And Jae just wants Younghyun to come home..

He calms himself down enough to start his car and drive away. Once he gets home he can clean himself up and come back to visit Younghyun for an hour.

_This feels like my personal hell._

Younghyun looks out the window and feels his chest ache. Jae looked awful. Tired, his cheek was swollen with a large yellowing bruise, and clearly in a lot of pain. He really got himself hurt just to protect Younghyun. He really would do anything to protect Younghyun. 

Younghyun knows Jae will be back later today but it hurt to see him have to leave. His lip twitches as tears well up in his eyes. He wishes he could just go home so he could be with Jae. So that Jae can help him feel normal again. So he can have his life back. 

So he can finally fucking heal instead of making his life miserable..so he can help Jae heal..


End file.
